Mental Health Journal - What I Am And What I Am Not
I am strong. Somedays I do not feel strong, but I am. I have had to endure and overcome many times of overwhelming stress, depression, anxiety, etc.
Mental Health Matters!
I repent, mental health matters. Mental health matters to every single person. Whether one has a diagnosed mental health disorder or disease, one still needs to be actively improving one’s mental health. It is always funny to me that the ones who say, “Oh, we need to be mentally tough!” but then want to pretend like those who openly admit to struggling in that area are somehow weak or broken and beyond repair. Hypocrisy in the subject of mental health abounds!
It is my argument that even outside of diagnosed mental health disorders, intellectual and emotional maturity is lacking greatly in our world today. I will deal with this specifically with examples in future posts.
Granted, as is the case in most areas of life, we need to avoid extremes.
Extreme #1 - Mental Health Pharisees
These people are the ones who insist that all mental health disorders and diseases are just made up, and the person just needs to stop being lazy or needs to toughen up. They typically have never had to endure the pain and overwhelming nature at times of a diagnosed mental health disorder, which I can assure you, none of us signed up for.
The mental health pharisees proport themselves to be some great example of mental health where they place themselves as the one’s with all the answers when inside they are usually very insecure and in need of greater emotional maturity themselves.
Mental health pharisees will even pretend to care about you while secretly judging you and using you as an example of why they are so great and you are not. Mental health pharisees want to pretend like there is no such thing as depression or any other mental health disorder. They will question why one would seek treatment when they would never question seeking treatment for a physical condition.
Extreme #2 - Abusing Claims Of Mental Health Needs For Sinful Reasons
This is what the mental health Pharisees think all of us who suffer are doing. While they are dead wrong and need to repent for their sinful posture towards their brothers and sisters in Christ who do suffer, they are not completely wrong. Some seek to claim that some level of mental health is needed to avoid consequences or the need for personal growth. And, yes, in some cases, because they want to remain in whatever state they are without putting forth the effort to change.
The clearest example of this is the one who brutally murders someone or commits some heinous crime and then claims “insanity” to avoid real consequences. This is typically easy to spot. Granted, these need to be handled on a case-by-case basis, and hopefully, the people involved would be honest enough to spot the truth of the matter.
I agree that some are impostors and will throw words around like OCD, depression, anxiety, etc., to explain or otherwise excuse behaviors on their parts. Narcissists are legendary for this.
Not everybody has OCD.
Not everybody has ADHD.
Not everybody has Major Depressive Disorder.
Not everybody has diagnosable levels of anxiety.
Just because not everybody has these things does not mean they are not real. So, in light of all of this, allow me to tell you what I am and what I am not, considering my diagnosis of major depressive disorder.
What I Am
I am strong. Somedays I do not feel strong, but I am. I have had to endure and overcome many times of overwhelming stress, depression, anxiety, etc. Granted, this does not mean that one has to have a diagnosable mental health disorder to experience these things. That is not true and would be wrong to make this claim.
Everybody can be depressed at times. Some struggle with anxiety and depression and it just does not rise to the level of being on the diagnosable level. I recognize this greatly and I am in no way saying I have a struggle that is only unique to myself. However, what I am saying is that I am one who has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and that is something that I personally have had to live with and learn to live better with. So, even if you do not have a diagnosable disorder but have dealt with depression and have learned tools to live well with it or even overcome it, you are strong too!
I matter. I am not cast off to the side, so people do not have to deal with me. People who are intellectually and emotionally immature love to remove from their lives any person and anything that threatens their perceived level of harmony. Far too many will say things like, “I don’t have time for this.” Or, “You need to get over this if you want to be around me.” These are dangerous and extraordinarily sinful statements to make that are damaging and hurtful. Those who live with genuine and diagnosed mental health disorders did not sign up for them and would gladly give them up if they could. It is not something we can just “get rid of.”
I am a work in progress. Just like all those who do not live with a mental health disorder, I, too, am a work in progress. I have a different set of layers and hurdles to work through and get over, but just because mine look different, it does not mean yours don’t matter. Your work in progress is just as important. My work in progress has certainly been delayed, as I did not even get diagnosed until I was either 35 or 36. So, I had to receive treatment later in life, and now that I have had proper medication and therapy for many years, I look back and wonder how much more I could have done had I been healthier earlier in life.
What I Am Not
I am not broken. My world may feel broken sometimes, but I am not broken. God made me specifically this way so that I could learn to grow in Christ, become strong, and endure despite my suffering. It is through experiential suffering that we can look someone in the face and say, “I know how that feels!” People are going to listen to someone who has been through what they have, far more consistently than those who have no clue. Nothing worse than someone trying to tell you how you should feel or act when they have no clue what you are experiencing. I don’t need fixing. I need Christ. I don’t need fixing. I need to keep growing stronger in my mental health with the proper treatment and reliance on the power of the Spirit of God so that I can be a proper representative of Christ and be a help to others who are struggling. One day, in heaven, when this body of sin is done away with, and I receive my new eternal body, I will no longer have to endure this. For now, this is my calling, and God is glorified in my endurance.
I don’t lack faith. One of the worst things you can say to someone who is legitimately struggling with a mental health disorder is that they just “lack faith.” This type of thinking is borne out of the legalist mind and the independent fundamentalist cult that still exists today. I can’t tell you how many times I would hear that someone just “lacked faith” because they were struggling in some area. They would tell you that any sickness or adverse consequences were there because of your sin, but what they really meant was that you were being punished because you did not unquestioningly obey them. It is sick and twisted for sure. I have great faith. I would argue that one who lives with a mental health disorder or a physical disease has to have great faith in order to endure daily.
I don’t need your “easy answers.” It is amazing to me how so many people love to prop themselves up as having “all the answers.” This is why I am largely hesitant to speak openly about my own disorder and struggles. When I open up, I take a chance that I am dealing with one of these Pharisee types that will just tell me, “Oh, yeah, all you have to do is this or that, and you would not have that problem!” Spare me! If I have learned anything over the past decade, it is that the key to stronger mental health, with or without a mental health disorder, is the consistent and gradual growth over time, utilizing proper treatment and a growing closeness with Christ and a reliance upon the power of the Spirit. Keep your fake “easy answers” to yourself.
I could say far more, but this will suffice for now. Trust me, if you are struggling with depression, anxiety, or more, you are not alone. Many of us know what it feels like, and we know how strong you are, how much faith you have, and we don’t think you are broken. We want to see you endure, overcome, and find success as your mental health grows stronger over time. I can’t promise you any easy answers, but I can promise you that our Savior saves perfectly, His Spirit is the best Helper there is, and with proper medication and therapy, you can see improvement depending on your unique situation.
Don’t give up.
Don’t give in to the madness.
Get trusted doctors and friends who will be by your side and stick with you through every moment.
Be an advocate for people in your community and church who need help.
Maybe God gave you your unique set of mental health circumstances because He wants you to commit your life to helping others like you?
